Way down in Egypt land
Tell all pharaoes to
Let my people go!
Dedicated to the writer F.K.
For his extremely interesting hypothesis about who Moses was.
(According to the aforementioned author, Moses was a pure–blooded Egyptian -the SON of Pharaoh Akhenaten! The idea is very unusual, but…)
On the night when Moses, wandering in the desert, was heading to Egypt (by direct decree of the Lord God), the latter, suffering like Stalin from chronic insomnia, decided to occupy himself by opening a huge accounting ledger called either “Herbarium” or “Prepuciarium”, where on every page there was a wrinkled piece of skin pinned to the name of the former owner, and he began idly scanning it. Inhaling the musty smell of long-decayed foreskin, God suddenly remembered that He had entrusted Moses with the most important mission of rescuing Jews from Egyptian slavery. He looked at the letter “Mo”. To his great surprise, he didn’t find any Moses there! He called the chief Accountant Angel and asked why Moses was not included in this most important book in the universe! The Angel Accountant, the Guardian of the “Prepuciary”, yawning and rubbing his eyes, began to look for the pin of Moses himself and also found nothing. Therefore, he urgently ordered to wake up the main Angel, the Scribe, and find out why Moses is not listed in the records? Scribe searched for a long time and, unable to find it, came up with an explanation: The Main Pinning Angel probably pinned Moses’ foreskin carelessly, it fell out even before he, the Angel-Scribe, was going to write it down! The main Prankster Angel has been summoned! All the poor angels were flapping their wings and yawning, so much so that the Lord God was sneezing from the dust. The Pinner suggested that it was all about the pin! The heavenly forge stamped them on some new machine, purchased in Russia or, most likely, in China, and it made the pins crooked, blunt and bending at the slightest effort. In his defense, the Pinning Angel told God a parable about a lost country or city due to the fact that there was not enough nail in the forge!
The enemy is entering the city.
Sparing no prisoners,
Because in the forge
There was no nail!
God liked this parable! He even momentarily forgot about the purpose of the commotion he had caused.
“Here,” he said, edifying, raising his finger, and all the angels, as if spellbound, stared at the tip of his finger shining with Divine Wisdom, – you see what the greatest consequences can cause the slightest vicissitudes of FATE! What does THIS mean? The fact that the “Ball of Fate” at that moment rested in a small depression on a certain elevation and it was enough for the lightest push for it to fall out and roll down – fatally changing the fate of the country or at least the whole city, perhaps still the country, if the city was the capital! Learn from MOIR, you fools, WHAT FATE MEANS! And now let’s get down to business: Where is Moses’ prepuce???”
Again the rustle of the pages of the “Prepuciary”, again the rising and falling of wings, and the pins with Moses… and there is NO record AS THERE IS NO!
And then God was suddenly struck by a terrible thought: It cannot be that his entire Heavenly Army consists of complete fools and idlers! Or maybe, – a terrible thought crept into his head again, –Moses wasn’t circumcised at all, which means he wasn’t “chosen” at all!
I’ll kill the bastard,– God shouted angrily in his thoughts, – a lousy crook, a worthless impostor! – Forgetting that it was HE who chose Moses to accomplish this feat of spirit, thought and eloquence. After all, at first, Moses, as he could, denied, saying, – I’m tongue-tied, they say, weak in character and spirit, I can not cope!
But the enraged Ruler of the Universe completely forgot about such trifles and stretched out his punishing right hand in order to kill Moses.
Fortunately (or unfortunately) for the latter, just at that moment in the Sinai desert, in a night rookery, Moses’ wife, Tziporah, woke up. Being a very middle-aged woman, but cheerful and energetic in her youth, she telepathically grasped this decision of God and, through the same telepathic channel, asked God not to kill Moses, swearing that it would not take even a few minutes, and Egypt was still so far away, as Moses would become circumcised and she immediately will mail by the “Registered one” to God the material evidence of this righteous action! She found a pair of sharp stones (obsidian, probably) in the dark, drilled holes in them, connected them, inserting nail into the holes and made excellent scissors. With that, she accomplished this God-pleasing feat, despite the fact that EIGHTY-FOUR-YEARS-OLD Moses screamed wildly and resisted in every possible way (out of perplexity).
But, nothing, he laid down for a couple of weeks, until everything healed and went on to liberate “my people.”
And what moral, citizens, follows from this parable?
Guess for yourself!
Personally, I realized that “MADE IN CHINA” products are not worth buying.
25 II 2018
Esprit de L'escalier 