My principle is simple – to go through life without leaving a streak of hate.

This does not mean that I bow and smile to everyone. When scum and an outright predator come across, you have to “spoil their comfort”, including pressing the trigger of gun (in special cases).

But in tourist matters, of course, I apply this principle and it works flawlessly.

I once ordered an “organized tour” of Scotland from London.

I warned that I’m a vegetarian, and therefore, in hotels, please prepare a purely vegetable meal. No traces of meat or other corpses.

We arrived in a village in Scotland in the evening. Before that, there was a bus trip from London to Glasgow, then to Edinburgh. So, the first “lunch”, which coincided with a very late dinner.

The table is set, steaming bowls of cutlets, schnitzels and others are on it. The whole group sat down and began to gorge.

I’m to a guide: And where is the table for vegetarians?

For We-Ge-Ta-Ri-Ans? “What is it?” he asked in surprise between two sips.

Yes, I say, look at the order sheet!

He looked at it and clutched his head: We were not warned!

He immediately called the head waiter and explained that it was a disaster:

We got involved the “vegetarian” in our “normal” group, but the travel company didn’t notify me in advance.

They put me at a separate table by myself. A glass of cold water was brought in. I’m sitting and waiting. The rest of the group is looking at me and laughing. They’re chewing on both cheeks, and I’m sitting at an empty table, drinking cold water and waiting for something to be cooked in the kitchen… etc.

After ten or fifteen minutes, they finally brought it to me. Mushroom pilaf in vegetable oil, fresh salad, bread. And the group, having eaten enough, is already eating sweets for dessert. They look at me with irony and condescending contempt: They say they have found the “original.” Then they stood up like a company of soldiers on command and, yawning, headed for the rooms. I sit and eat slowly. I usually don’t have dinner so late, but on this day I didn’t eat or drink anything from the morning.

A Scottish girl came up, asked me what else I would like, and apologized for the trouble I had caused.

Okay.

I thanked her and the young waiter boy and tipped them each a pound of sterlings.

The next day, after all the excursions to Loch Nessie and other wonders (hills covered with blooming heather with bumblebees buzzing over it – right nostalgy in the heart), we returned to the hotel for lunch. The whole group sat down again at a large table for thirty people. I am a “leper” for the same reason, sitting alone!

And that’s when the miracle came to light:

The group is sitting at an EMPTY table with plates and carafes of lukewarm water, but my table is set and five waiters are lined up against the wall behind me and waiting for the highest orders, while a table with thirty eaters is served by only TWO waiters. And on my table, all the dishes are already warmed up, steaming appetizingly, purely vegetarian! Three boys and two girls standing at attention behind my back! The long table receives only plates with slices of bread. I’m nearing the end of the first course. The faces of all tourists are “inversely proportional to yesterday’s” – confused and extremely offended.
They got up from the table yesterday without giving a farthing to the waiters or even saying thank you!

In general, I ate from every dish. I eat a little, I don’t overeat,

From time to time, politely from behind:

Sir, would you like something else?

No, thanks a lot, everything is great and delicious.

But I’m not leaving, I’m waiting for the company to leave. When everyone’s got their faces pulled out (probably even their appetite is gone!) When they left, I got up, thanked all of waiters, and gave each of them again a pound!

It should be emphasized here that this is not London or Edinburgh. A small village that lives on strictly GROUP tourists. I always left a pound on the table in my room at the hotel, too. Since this hotel was the “base” from which the bus “sallies” were made, the group spent the entire three days of their stay quietly raging at a loss as to why «this lousy vegetarian» was being served so well, while they were politely but noticeably neglected. They still didn’t understand. They asked me, are vegetarian dishes cheaper? More expensive? I honestly replied that I had no idea. And they, in turn, could not understand the attention of all the staff to my humble person.

In general, the DOLCE VITA of a lonely vegetarian.

Moral: Do not skimp and, if possible, buy favor from people who live on these tips!

In general, if I wanted a live Loch Nessie, I think they would have brought it.

But I managed without it!

20 VIII 2019