A Martian arrived on Earth, “in his own image and likeness” absolutely indistinguishable from any terrestrial aborigine.

This was precisely the same outstanding astrophysicist who invented and built the famous thermoscope telescope, which made it possible to measure the temperature of any object on Earth with a size of at least three centimeters from Mars.

The reason for his “business trip to Earth” was this thermoscope telescope. The data that was obtained with his help was sharply at odds with all astrophysical information about the Earth! (See “Martian Thermoscope Telescope” 31 X 2013).

He was sent on a business trip for two reasons:

To establish for sure whether all the oceans on Earth are frozen blocks of blue ice? This followed from the readings of the thermoscope telescope, which measured the temperature of the water in the equatorial part of the Indian Ocean and showed that it was MINUS EIGHT DEGREES Celsius on the terrestrial scale or 265 degrees on the absolute Kelvin scale (also terrestrial). But this meant that all the oceans of the Earth are nothing but giant blocks of frozen blue water!

BLUE ICE!

The second reason was purely ethnological: To define the word “people”, because according to the testimony of the same telescope-thermoscope, there are many bipedal creatures living on Earth, self-called “PEOPLE-HUMANS”, and their body temperatures are DIFFERENT!

So, WHAT unites them if they all have a DIFFERENT temperature, which, moreover, is constantly changing, and even for one randomly selected individual, it is DIFFERENT at different points of his body and also depends on his degree of activity and external conditions???!!!

(For ALL Martians, body temperature is always constant and the same at all points, REGARDLESS of external conditions or the degree of activity! This is exactly the parameter that unites all Martians into an ethnic conglomerate called the “PEOPLE OF MARS”! Their “blood” mostly consists of Helium TWO Super fluid and thus makes it’s body temperature absolutely equal and constant in any conditions!)

The scientist coped with the first task quickly, seeing the seas and oceans from above, and then measuring their temperature at different points. He realized right away that the first result was caused by some random deviation from the normal state of water on Earth and, as an honest being, immediately reported his previous mistake via Temporal Wave Communication to the Academy of Sciences of Mars.

And, here, the second task turned out to be incomparably more difficult.

It turned out that about eight and a half billion of these so-called “human-people” live on Earth, indeed, are extremely different in temperature, even in tenths of a degree Celsius, not to mention thousandths and millionths, which Martians have never observed at all!
So, WHAT, if not the same temperature, is some kind of unifying factor of groups of creatures into a NATION???

The Martian was a polyglot, meaning he could speak almost any terrestrial language or dialect without the slightest difficulty. It turned out to be a very simple task for him during a short flight from Mars to Earth.

He immediately identified certain basic, common features of all earthly languages, and after understanding them, everything else was just specific small variations within narrow and rigid limits set by the original basic reasons.

99.99% of all languages were surprisingly similar, uniform, in a conceptual sense, such as:

Water, air, life, love, belly, grub, kids, and everything else.

They differed only phonetically, with a set of sounds of different frequencies and their sequence, no more than that, even for an ordinary Martian, it would not be the slightest difficulty to synthesize all these poor sound combinations in any combination.

And here the Martian scientist had an idea: The concept of “PEOPLE” on Earth is based not on body temperature, but on language! Different ethnic groups on Earth used different (JUST!) sound combinations for expressing THE SAME ROUTINE CONCEPTS TO THE POINT OF TRIVIALITY!

After talking with representatives of different ethnic groups, the Martian was convinced of the correctness of his guess.

But he had to reformulate the question a bit:

WHAT UNITES them and WHAT DISTINGUISHES them?

After all, it can’t be that just some sound combinations for the same concepts are a serious difference between one nation and another!

Once again, the Martian had a hunch: It was necessary to explore not the sound combinations, but the meaning of the most commonly used concepts.

For example, the concept of “MORALITY”. It sounds different, but its meaning does not change depending on the frequencies and sequence of acoustic vibrations! Therefore, it is necessary to look NOT for those WORDS, but for the GENERAL, BASIC CONCEPTS most used by “people” in their communication with each other and even in their thoughts alone with themselves.

And here the Martian made his most outstanding discovery of the essence of the Earth’s etymology!

The common Basis for all ethnic groups on Earth was not just the FREQUENT, but the absolutely dominant predominance of concepts meaning genitals and their functions in the grossest and most obscene form, the so-called PROFANITY on Earth, and in one of the fairly common languages (approximately 150-180 million people using it) called OBSCENITY!

Among these people, it has long replaced their historical language: From infants uttering their first words to agonizing old people, everyone used these concepts amicably and everywhere, with obvious pleasure, replacing by it any other, such rudimentary, atavistic, archival forms of thought expression.

Based on his discovery, the Martian derived a general formula for defining the concept of “people on Earth” (which is very different from this concept on Mars!):

WHERE THERE ARE PEOPLE, THERE IS A OBSCENITY!

And, much to his surprise, he found that there is NO DIFFERENCE here EITHER! Minor deviations (within the limits of the Calculus of Variations) consisted only in the richness of the set of these expressions and the universality of their use.

In the first place in terms of democracy, accessibility, law and order, and the solidarity that unites the entire ethnic conglomerate into an indestructible monolith, was (according to his information!) the so-called Russian people, although even here many nations successfully competed with them, trying to overthrow them from the pedestal of the Obscene Motherf……..!

Another interesting, albeit insignificant, discovery of the Martian is that when representatives of one ethnic group, who did not speak a word of the other’s language, encounter him for the first time, the first thing they learn eagerly from a language they do not know is the same profanity-obscenity!

No wonder, because in their native language it also plays a primary role!

With such discoveries, the scientist departed back to Mars, where he told about everything at the plenary session of the Academy of Martian Sciences.

We do not know what happened to him AFTER the REPORT due to the loss of Temporal

Wave communication.

4 IV 2026